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Anne Bercht, author
"My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Happened to Me"

 
Myths and Facts About Extramarital Affairs

(The following myths and facts are based on research done by Dr. Shirley Glass, Ph. D.)

 

Myth: Affairs happen in unhappy or unloving marriages.

Fact: Affairs can happen in good marriages. Affairs are less about love and more about sliding across boundaries.

Myth: Affairs occur mostly because of sexual attraction.

Fact: The lure of an affair is how the unfaithful partner is mirrored back through the adoring eyes of the new love. Another appeal is that individuals experience new roles and opportunities for growth in new relationships.

Myth: A cheating spouse almost always leaves clues, so a naïve spouse must be burying his or her head in the sand.

Fact: The majority of affairs are never detected. Some individuals can successfully compartmentalize their lives or are such brilliant liars that their partner never finds out.

Myth: A person having an affair shows less interest in sex at home.

Fact: The enticement of an affair can increase passion at home and make sex even more interesting.

Myth: The person having an affair isn’t “getting enough” at home.

Fact: The truth is that the unfaithful partner may not be giving enough. In fact, the spouse who gives too little is at a greater risk than the spouse who gives too much because he or she is less invested.

Myth: A straying partner finds fault with everything you do.

Fact: He or she may in fact become Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful in order to escape detection. Most likely, he or she will be alternately critical and devoted.

Surprisingly the infidelity we must contend with in this day and age is of a new sort, and as long as we believe affairs are about a 3rd party being sexier or prettier or nicer than the spouse, we are not only vulnerable to affairs, we have potential to further injure devastated friends or family members dealing with this horrific blow to their marriage.

That’s why Brian, our children and I are choosing to share our story publicly. We cannot remain silent with so many broken hearts all around the world, suffering far more than necessary, because of the silence and shame around the topic of extramarital affairs.

Affairs require secrecy, deception and lies in order to thrive. By playing a part in ending the “code of silence” we believe we can play a part in diminishing the growth of extramarital affairs in our society, and the pain experienced by those on all ends of affairs including the innocent children.

You ask, “But how does Brian and our children feel about taking our story public?” Our children are proud of what Brian and I are accomplishing, and most importantly we have regained their respect by doing the WORK of rebuilding our marriage instead of just throwing in the towel and getting a divorce as they tell us most of their friend’s parents have done.

Brian has been my number one cheerleader throughout my book writing project. He is just as passionate about helping people to avoid and survive affairs as I am. We are a team. I was not the only one who suffered incredible pain as a result of the affair. In fact, I would not want to trade places with Brian.

The role Brian found himself in was not an easy role, to suffer the incredible guilt, to live with yourself after doing something you are both morally and intellectually opposed, to look daily into the eyes of the person you love and see the incredible pain knowing you caused it, and to be the one others consider a “loser” and “a bad guy.”

Brian is now providing support for those who find themselves in this situation, confused, wishing to rebuild their marriages, struggling with feelings for the 3rd party. click here to learn more

I respect Brian tremendously for his willingness to share our story publicly in order to help others. It takes a great man to do this.

You ask, “How could I give my book such an outrageous book title?” “Are we suggesting that others should have an affair in order to make their marriages stronger?” Absolutely not! We are suggesting that others read our book, and learn the great many lessons we did, without having to go through the pain.

You say, “But if my husband reads a book with a title “My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me” it might make him think he can have an affair?” Don’t worry. If that’s a concern at all you WANT your husband to read this book. When he sees the reality of what transpired in Brian’s life, he won’t be wanting any part of an affair – not only that but he’ll actually learn how to avoid one.

We want to inspire people. If an affair has taken place, you cannot go back and undo it. As Solomon said, “It is water under the bridge … what is wronged cannot be righted.”

So what of your future if you’ve once been betrayed? Will you allow the pain to destroy you? Will it crush you forever? Will the rest of your life be inundated with bitterness?

Or are you going to rise up, fight for yourself, fight for your marriage - if you want to, and no matter what your spouse chooses to do, heal yourself. Find meaning through all the pain, and allow it to be your catalyst to spur you on to a better, stronger, happier, and more fulfilled you. And if your spouse is willing to do the work, spur you on to a marriage beyond what you had imagined possible before. If we can do it, so can you. Our book will show you how. To order click here

If you would like to share a success story, helpful insight or comment on this article we welcome your remarks. Email your questions or comments to Brian and/or Anne info@beyondaffairs.com

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