Resources for Recovering From Affairs and Surviving Infidelity

Our 2008 Smart Marriages Workshop is specifically meant for counselors, therapists, pastors, mentor couples, and anyone who works to support those in affair recovery.

Beyond Affairs: Prevention & Recovery - Order our seminar from the SMART MARRIAGES conference in San Francisco, CA - July 2008, on CD or mp3 for only $15.95 - click here
Download the corresponding handout

Our 2006 & 2007 Smart Marriages seminars are for couples in affair recovery. Although there is some overlap, each presentation is different and focus's on different aspects of recovery.

Beyond Affairs: Prevention & Recovery - Order our seminar from the SMART MARRIAGES conference in Denver, CO- June 2007, on CD or mp3 for only $15.95 - click here

Beyond Affairs: Prevention & Recovery - Order our seminar from the SMART MARRIAGES conference in Atlanta, GA - June 2006, on CD or mp3 for only $15 - click here

Helpful Websites that address extra marital affairs

(On Marriage Uncensored you can view an episode featuring Brian & Anne online.)

www.sydneybeyondaffairsnetwork.com
Help for surviving affairs in Sydney, Australia

Recommended Conferences

Specifically designed for couples struggling to heal from the trauma of betrayal. Unfortunately many couples never really heal from affairs, because they never learn how to resolve painful issues, why the affair happened and what can be different in the future to ensure it doesn't happen again. One of the most valuable aspects of this seminar is that it is presented from both sides, the betrayed and the betrayer, real people who've been there, and have come out on the other side, stronger and more in love than ever.

The 10th annual Smart Marriages Conference is being held June 22-25th, 2006 in Atlanta, Georgia.

Brian and Anne Bercht will be presenting a seminar at the conference on June 25th, 2006 open to the public for only $15/person. For details click here and see seminar #810.

Suwanee/Duluth, Georgia, USA
Couples Restoration Group/10 week study
Women's Restoration Group (for women who have had affairs)
Coaching
Contact: suwanee_duluth_ban@hotmail.com

Coquitlam, BC, Canada
What Lies Beneath Coaching Services
Contact: Suzanne Stewart
Phone: 604-726-8687
Email: suzanne@wlbcoaching.com
Website: www.wlbcoaching.com

"I believe in you and your ability to think for yourself. One of the biggest keys to healing from affairs is educating yourself about affairs. Knowledge is power. The more you understand the more healed you’ll be. As you read take what works for you and disregard the rest. This is your healing journey." - Anne

Personal Stories of Healing From Affairs

My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
This is our story. As much helpful information as is available on this website, we've put the best in our book. It is carefully laced with truths to inspire you and help you recover.

Beyond Affairs - Peggy Vaughan
After seven years, James came clean and ended his affairs. James and Peggy wrote this book together providing about 50/50 insight into both sides. I read this book in one day. I couldn’t put it down. It provides profound insight into the mind of the betrayer, and the subtle deceptions that lead a man who believes this is wrong, to make it okay with himself.

Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage
Written by a Christian woman who had an affair. Excellent insight into understanding why people have affairs, and how to protect your marriage against future affairs.

Marriage Undercover: Thriving in a Culture of Quiet Desperation
Bob and Audrey were strong Christians with a television ministry when Audrey had an affair, and became pregnant from her affair partner. This is a powerful story of reconciliation. Some of the passages written by her husband Bob could’ve been written by me. This book is very Christian, so not a good choice for someone of a different faith or no faith.

How-to Guides for Recovering from Affairs

The Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Dealing with Affairs
One of the best, most balanced, most practical books to inform you and help you to recover, written by someone who has lived through this.

NOT "Just Friends" : Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
This is definitely one of the best books ever written on the topic. After years of research and personal work helping others recover, Shirley Glass is one of the most highly esteemed experts on affairs.

Torn Asunder: Recovering From Extramarital Affairs
Written by a pastor with 30 years of experience helping couples to recover from affairs. Also one of my top picks for recovery. This book offers practical recovery help to both spouses, and will help you whether you choose to stay in the marriage or not. Either way you need to heal.

Torn Asunder Workbook: Recovering from Extramarital Affairs
Also one of my top picks for recovery from affairs. The workbook is very good, and is an excellent option for couples who can’t afford counseling, seminars or prefer not to go that route. The questions will help you to understand each other and your marriage better and provide constructive discussion openers and practical exercises to help you both in your healing journey.

First Aid for the Betrayed: Recovering from the Devastation of an Affair; A Personal Guide to Healing
by Richard Alan
Written to betrayed spouses, by a man who has been there, this may be one of the most practical guides to help you take the first right steps towards recovery. It is a bit graphic in a few places, but in my experience, when you are there, you want the truth and you feel "just tell it to me like it is." This book does that. See Richard Alan's own website: www.firstaidforaffairs.com www.firstaidforaffairs.com

Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart
This is one of the most sound, sensible, helpful, balanced and complete guides to recovery for couples and individuals. If you could afford only one "how-to" resource, I recommend this one.

Infidelity: A Survival Guide
This is a very sensible and helpful book on healing from infidelity based on Don-David Lusterman's years of experience as a therapist. It offers help for the person who has had the affair in helping them to know what do do to rebuild the marriage, as well as help for the betrayed spouse and perspective for family members and friends sincerely wishing to support a couple through healing.

Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild & Affair-proof Your Marriage
This book is written by two clinical psycologists who have been working with couples and individuals for more than 25 years each. They have formulated a unique approach to understanding how to build strong, loving and resilient marriages and how to help couples rebuild their marriages after betrayal.

Surviving an Affair - Willard Harley

Other Helpful Books for Recovering From Infidelity

Love Must Be Tough : New Hope for Families in Crisis
This is the best book I’ve seen that shows you how to get your spouse to break ties with the 3rd party.

Feeling Good : The New Mood Therapy

The Feeling Good Handbook
We recommend these 2 books to most people recovering from affairs. One of the hardest things is finding ways to deal with your negative, depressing and obsessive thoughts. This book and the corresponding handbook show you how. If you buy only one, get the handbook, it’s less technical.

Preventing Affairs: You CAN have a monogamous marriage, but not by just assuming you're immuneYou can’t afford not to order this book! A part of your healing journey will be to understand affairs in their bigger context – part of a problem of our culture as a whole. Another part will be rebuilding trust. What sound steps can you really believe will make sure an affair doesn’t happen again in your marriage? This book gives you that answer.

Love Is A Choice : The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships

Love is a Choice Workbook : Recovery for codependent relationships (Minirth-Meier Clinic Series)
Although this book set deals with codependent relationships, not affairs specifically, the vast majority of couples are surprised to discover their codependent tendencies. Getting rid of them is very freeing.

Living With Your Husband's Secret Wars - Marsha Means
This book is intended for women whose husbands struggle with pornography addictions.

Healing for Damaged Emotions - David A. Seamands
A very helpful book, written from a Christian perspective.

Shattering Your Strongholds: Freedom from Your Struggles
A Christian book that teaches some very powerful principles on gaining freedom for yourself and the ones you love through effective prayer. This book would not be of interest to someone who does not embrace the Christian faith.

Relationships & Marriage

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
This is a must-read for every married couple. I cried through much of this book, because it's the only book I've ever read, that I felt had I read it before my husband's affair, it may have contributed to preventing it in the first place. The truth this author has discovered is profound. The way he presents it makes it easy to grasp.

The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever

The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially
This is an amazing book. 40 years of scientific research showing you why the greatest key to happiness, health, wealth and success in your life is through working on and keeping the marriage you have now. A little technical for some readers.

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
This is a great book on relationships, only I think the author should rename it “His Needs, Her Needs: The ABC’s of relationships. (My personal opinion.) It is deceptive to believe that by perfectly meeting your spouses needs you can control your spouses behavior and prevent them from having an affair. In my experience, both personally and professionally, unmet needs in a marriage is not always the reason behind affairs, and believing so leaves the responsibility for the affair on the faithful spouse instead of with the unfaithful spouse where it belongs. I recommend this book highly. Just read it in context. I caution betrayed spouses from going into Super Need-Meeter mode to be sure an affair never happens again. This is neither a happy, nor fair, nor realistic way to live.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong & Loving Marriage
If effective communication is a challenge in your marriage, this is a powerful and practical resource. Communication struggles that can seem so complex and insurmountable are clearly resolved. Author, Susan Heitler, PH.D. has done a sensational job of making something usually so hard to grasp, simple, easy and straight forward. I was astonished reading it. The principles my husband and I developed in healing our own marriage are here clearly laid out. If we had had this resource during our affair recovery time, our healing time would've been greatly expedited. Susan shows you how to disagree, agreeably. Remarkable job explaining what every couple needs to know about communication.

The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple's Guide

Positive Mental Attitude

There comes a time in every betrayed spouses journey when you need to take a break from heavy thinking about the affair and focus on thinking more positively. Here’s some books that can help you when you get to that place.

An Enemy Called Average - Mason
You can also sign up for John Masons “Nugget of the Week” through his website. They are very good. www.freshword.com

Being Happy: A Handbook to Greater Confidence and Security

The Greatest Salesman in the World - Mandino
This is not a book about selling. It is very good and probably one of my favorite books ever. It teaches you how to live and get what you want out of life.

The Greatest Miracle in the World- Mandino
If you doubt your own value you need to read this book.

Move Ahead With Possibility Thinking - Schuller

The Power of Positive Thinking - Peale

YOU CAN IF YOU THINK YOU CAN - Peale

PSYCHO CYBERNETICS 2000 - Maxwell Maltz

The Return of the Ragpicker - Mandino

Spellbinder's Gift - Mandino

The Magic of Believing - Bristol

Hung by the Tongue - Martin

How To Win Friends And Influence People - Carnegie

How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing With People - Giblin

A Short Course in Kindness: A Little Book on the Importance of Love and the Relative Unimportance of Just About Everything Else
One of the best things you can do to help yourself heal is to stop focusing only on yourself and begin to direct some of your energy into helping and thinking of others.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People : Powerful Lessons in Personal Change - Covey
You’d be surprised how much help for surviving affairs is in this book. Learn how to change what you can, and leave behind what you can’t and how to tell the difference. Part of the journey to healing from affairs is personal growth. You’re never going to be the same again, so you might as well become better. Bitter or better the choice is yours. This book will help you to get better.

Developing The Leader Within You - Maxwell

Developing The Leaders Around You: How to Help Others Reach Their Full Potential - Maxwell

Success, Motivation, and the Scriptures - Cook

Acres of Diamonds - Conwell

Help with Your Finances

If your spouse has left you in an emergency financial situation, these books can help you think out of the box and solve your problem.

The One Minute Millionaire: The Enlightened Way to Wealth - Hansen
A woman loses her husband, and her wealthy father-in-law sets out to have her children taken from her as well, saying she’s an unfit mother. He has money and power on his side. Find out how she beats him … and learn some principles that can really help your financial situation at the same time.