Father’s Day

This weekend we celebrate fathers. That’s not so easy to do, when the father of your children has betrayed you.

It’s also a hard day, if you had a good father, and now your dad is no longer with you. I’m sorry for your loss.

It’s equally a hard day if you are a faithful father, but your wife is acting unfaithfully, and you are being honorable, working hard to keep your family and kids together, while the morality of your wife is working against everything you do. For all the good you are doing, I say thank you, even if your wife and kids are not saying it.

Or maybe you are a husband, who has had to walk the painful road of an unwanted divorce, because your wife threw you away like used goods - traded you in for another. And for many men, whom Brian and I have walked alongside on this painful journey, it’s just heartbreaking to see your wife choose someone else. It’s her decision - not yours.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you are facing something so hard and unfair.

I want to encourage you to do the right thing, because in the long run it will come back to you. Your children will one day grow up and see their father for the hero you really are … or aren’t.

To those who have acted unfaithfully, I want to encourage you that it’s not too late to start becoming the man (or woman) that you really want to be. Don’t let your biggest failure define your life. It’s never too late to start being a good father. Please! Your kids need you.

The world today has an honorable man shortage. Guys, we need you.

What are the qualities of a good father?

The #1 quality of a good father is a man who honors his children’s mother. He cherishes her. By loving the mother of your children, you are loving your children in the best possible way.

I remember how sad I was as a little girl, with divorced parents, when my dad spoke badly about my mother. I never believed a bad word he said about her. I lived with my mother and could perfectly well see that she was a good person. I just so wished my father would see the good things in my mom too, and say them. Really his bad-talking my mom to me, his daughter, was immature, and revealed a lack of emotional intelligence.

What else makes a good father?

A good father is involved. He spends time with his children. He doesn’t spend all his time working. That said he is a hard worker (never lazy) and provides for his family.

A good father is a grown-up. Being home with his wife and children is fun for him, because he takes the time to nurture those relationships, so in return there are lots of smiles, love and laughter in that home. This dad is not out partying with co-workers, or others, drinking and staying out late at night. He comes home to his family after work - after that work dinner meeting, if that really was required.

A good father finds good men in his life to be his friends and mentors. He knows that he carries a big responsibility. Even though, his inclination as a man is to not ask for help, he has learned that smart men do actually ask for help. No one has all the answers. It’s smart to have some wise counselors in our lives - wise friends that is, at least friends whose aim is the same as yours, to be faithful to your wife, and to live with integrity.

When children grow up, good fathers are still there for them, always ready to guide with a loving word of advice, to help your children navigate life’s perplexing problems with wisdom. You become your grown-up children’s go-to person. You never stop being a father.

A good father pays attention to what he watches, listens to, and who he hangs around with. He knows that this is a high calling, so he reads books that help him to be a good man, most attend a church where they are taught and challenged on what it means to live uprightly.

Thank you to all the amazing men out there, who take their role of being good fathers seriously. You are so needed! We appreciate you, probably more than you will ever know. 

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