Happy Mother’s Day - Whose “candle” can you light today?

You have most likely found our website because either you or someone you love has had their world rocked by the devastation, chaos and hurt that infidelity causes – one of the biggest things to divide families, and destroy relationships.

And now it's Mother’s Day and we are surrounded by images that depict people wishing their Mother’s Happy Mother’s Day, or being wished Happy Mother’s Day. That is lovely when it is what's happening. If you are one of those people, I hope you take in every moment and are grateful, and appreciative. You are one of the lucky ones. For many, Mother’s Day comes with a lot of hurt, as Christmas does, because it can underscore the love you haven’t received from your mother, the relationship you don’t have with your child, or the fact that you desperately want or wanted a child but that didn’t/hasn’t happened for you.

One of our volunteer Beyond Affairs Network (BAN) coordinators wrote this beautiful message to the members of the support group she leads. Her perspective and strength are inspiring:
 

Mother's Day message from a BAN Coordinator

"This weekend we celebrate Mother's Day, now Mother's Day has always been a sad day for me; having lost my mother when I was twelve years old.  The flowers, the cards, the brunches--the feelings I experienced being motherless on Mother's Day was something like that same unexplainable physical  feeling I experienced when I found out about my husband's affair.  So after I had my twins, I was so happy to finally be able to legitimately celebrate the day and that feeling subsided.  Fourteen years later, I find my husband sharing pictures of our Mother's Day celebration with the affair person.   BOOM!

"I thought I could never celebrate Mother's Day again, ever!  I remember wanting to spit at the thought of the day...until I changed, changed the way I saw things.  After a few years, I wrapped my head around not letting anyone or anything steal glory from me.   

"So what if on Mother's Day those two exchanged pictures (jerks), I waited my whole life to celebrate Mother's Day and I have three beautiful kids that I brought into this world and raised and that I love with my whole heart; why am I letting this overshadow the goodness in my life?  I reclaimed the day and I am so glad that I did--I gave each of my kids a card/gift telling them how truly honored I am to be their mom.

"It is so important for me to be with the kids that made me a mother on this day and to be able to realize that what I created is all good and no one can take that from me.  Evil never beats goodness!!!"

So even if the mothers you have in your life have not been good to you, why not be the bigger person, call and wish them a Happy Mother’s Day?

If you are feeling sad and forgotten this day, then reach out and do for someone else what you wish would be done to you. This is a strategy I have used for years, and it works very well. You lift yourself up, when you lift others up.

"For all of the men reading this, remember that your wife (together or apart--here or gone), no matter what she did, is the mother of your children and she should be respected for that.  If you are apart, find a way to show some recognition to the mother of your children or maybe just silently think a good thought about her.  Remember you are the men that made these women moms, so give yourself some recognition for that.

"Monday will be here before we know it--and you can continue on beyond Mother’s Day.  Give yourself the gift of mindful peace and let the goodness of Mother's Day be well within your heart."

Being a mother is the best and most challenging and most rewarding thing I have ever done and I know I have made mistakes in the process but I have never felt more important, worthwhile and loved than I do when I am in the company of my children and grandchildren.

But Mother's Day has never been a favorite of mine. On my first Mother's Day as a mother, I was 5 months pregnant and Brian and I had a fight because we were both immature back then, and he told me I was not a mother. Then in the year 2000, on the day after Mother's Day he told me of his affair, making Mother's Day a trigger for me for a few years. The day before Mother's Day in 2017, we lost our precious son tragically.

How will Mother's Day be for me this year? Full of joy. Why? Because I have decided so. How? By making the day and my life about giving to others, and hopefully inspiring others to be kind in both words and deeds. Life is too short for anything else. And I make a point of starting with my own children, grandchildren, husband, and mother. And then on to a wider circle of friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. I just look for ways to be kind.

There is so much selfishness, unkindness and hatred in our world today. But you can be part of changing that. Don’t let the hurt and injustice that has happened to you, make you hateful, bitter and revengeful. Instead, rise up!

It’s easy to be loving when others are loving towards you. Anyone can do that. In the face of adversity you show the world who you really are.

Be kind, loving, and thoughtful. Listen. Really listen. Aim to understand the other side. Forgive. Reconcile.

The bible says that the power of life and death are in the tongue. Will your tongue then, be bringing life to someone today? Or will it be bringing death?

Whose candle can you light today?

Happy Mother's Day!