Do you know what the top destroyer of marriages is?

It may not be what you think.

Sure, we can look at the obvious … probably the reason why you signed up to receive information from us in the first place … affairs!

But it would be smart to look even deeper than that.

We can also look at the common cliché reasons:

- Poor Communication

- A Lacking Sex Life

- Money Problems

- Children / Parenting Disagreements

Or common excuses like

- “We got married too young.”

- “We just grew apart.”

Or

- “Our personalities were not compatible.” (It took you 10+ years to figure that out?)

The bigger underlying issues include a critical spirit, a bad attitude, unforgiveness, stubbornness, and defensiveness (that’s when you are unwilling to look at your own shortcomings so instead you just attack your spouse about theirs).

Of course, selfishness is huge. So is disrespect, as well as unrealistic expectations or focusing on negatives.

I guess we could go on and on about a lot of things that we all know (if we think about) destroy marriages.

John Van Epp, Author of “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk or Jerkette” states that the number one character trait you need in a spouse is for them to have a good heart. I agree and would add the number two trait would be a willingness to grow, change and mature as a human being.

Today’s hidden destroyer of marriages is exhaustion. Most people are simply too busy, and we don’t realize this busyness is destroying our marriage.

Most people say that their family is the most important thing in their life. But does the way you spend your time reflect that value?

Remember that while you might judge yourself by your intentions, your partner is going to judge you by your actions.

Radical times often call for radical measures.

We all have the exact same 24 hours per day, 7 days a week. No one gets more time. And saving time is an illusion. You don’t get to “save time.” The clock keeps on ticking no matter what you are doing. All we get is choices about how to use the time we are given.

Choices.

Some of the most impactful positive turning points in our marriage came when we intentionally stepped off the hamster wheel, took some time off, and in that down time, we got smarter. (We always made more money when we got back, because our innovativeness and effectiveness went up!)

One of the most common causes of exhaustion is that overtime, promotion or business – that striving for more and more money, because we want to build an affluent lifestyle for our family. Just remember, there is a balance and a choice. If your work or business takes you away too much, you may find yourself without that family you were working for in the first place.

When we faced choices between more money (which we really could’ve used) vs. time together, we always picked time together.

I love the Bible verse that says:

“It is senseless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, fearing you will starve to death; for God wants his loved ones to get their proper rest.” – Psalm 127:2 TLB

Something to think about. Don’t let exhaustion destroy your family. Make big adjustments if necessary. Your journey is meant to be enjoyable. While hard work is a virtue, intentionally choose seasons where your partner gets your best energy. Let succeeding at marriage be your #1 goal.

Many years ago (when we owned a cabinet manufacturing business), I told a shocked business consultant, “If this business succeeds, but we end up divorced, I will consider myself a failure. If this business fails, but our marriage stays strong, I will consider myself a success.

No regrets.

Stay Strong,

Brian & Anne Bercht

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