Brian's Infidelity Story
“What the hell was going on in my life?”
“What had I gotten myself into?”
“How was I going to deal with this mess?”
These were some of the thoughts I had as I made my way home to tell my wife of eighteen years that I was seeing another woman. The strange feeling of being two different people at the same time was overtaking me. I was losing my sense of reality.
What months earlier was an innocent chit chat had turned into a full-blown affair. It was about to tear apart my marriage and family. It was also about to destroy the image I once had of myself. My proverbial clock was about to strike 12 and I was terrified.
The life I had built, the family I had raised, the friends I’d made and the church I’d been attending were all about to be damaged as a result of my actions.
I had an affair. It was the very thing that only a few months earlier I would have held others in contempt for.
“How did I end up doing the very thing I thought I never could?”
This was the big question that I needed an answer for! If I didn't discover this, then I wouldn't ever find myself again.
This was the thing though: I did love Anne and never intended to hurt her.
However, I did completely devastate her. I wasn't sure we could ever recover, even if she were to give me another chance. I'd never met anyone that truly recovered from an affair. Sure, they stayed together, but their lives seemed to be tainted by the affair forever. I knew I didn't want to live my life this way. But, I also knew that deep down I did love Anne and didn't want to give up, quit or start over with another woman.
These thoughts launched my part of our recovery process. Two-and-a-half years later we were healed.
At times it seemed as if we'd never get to the end, that we were doomed to struggle and fight forever. Yet there were times we seemed to get along better than we ever did.
I worked hard, along with Anne, to get to the place where Anne was able to forgive me. I also worked to be able to forgive myself. I became aware of who I really was, no longer pretending or just hoping. I became the man I was destined to become.
Then my wife decided to write a book about our story!
Wow. Was I ready? How would this affect our lives? But I was healed. I was freed from the guilt and shame and my wife looked at me with love and respect. I gave her my blessing and ever since have basked in the glow of living truthfully and helping others do the same.
The work we began started slowly. But each step of the way we saw real results of recovery and healing. We'd share what we did, the good and the bad. What worked and what didn't work. And we added professional education to augment what we had discovered ourselves through our own experience.
My years working in the construction industry had taught me the things I needed for healing from affairs. They helped me see the plan needed to recover and make broken marriages better than ever before. Running my own construction firm taught me that if one builds slowly, brick upon brick, then you can expect a certain result. The building will come together, if everyone does their part.
A few years ago I retired from traditional construction to work full-time in a different type of construction industry: rebuilding marriages and relationships that have been rocked by affairs.
I want you to know that if you are facing the painful aftermath of an affair, we've walked in your shoes. We know what it takes to fix yourself, heal your marriage and enjoy an amazing relationship with your spouse. It's why we've designed some amazing tools that we encourage you to use.
We look forward to hearing from you
NOTE: While Brian's infidelity experience is unique to him, the patterns of infidelity remain quite consistent. Each unfaithful spouse we work with tells us: “My experience is different because...” This is because, they tell us:
- they are good people...
- because they never meant to do this...
- because they were so hurt in their marriage...
- because they really loved their affair partner...
- because their affair was only about sex...
- because the affair was not about sex...
- or because they only had an emotional affair.
Please read further about affairs on this site to learn more and to gain greater understanding, of what is, and perhaps what isn't unique about the affair in your marriage. Or check out the tools we've developed to heal you and your relationship.